tesla_bot | Tesladyne: Every Day's an Adventure!

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Tesladyne: Every Day's an Adventure!

The door that opens is a free standing frame on a small plywood dais at the focus of a tremendous amount of cabling and particle emitters. The whole area smells of ozone.

Tesladyne's high energy physics department (Advanced Topology Division) is marked by a school of design that thinks things should be able to be cleaned with a pressure washer - painted cinder block, tiles floors, scorch resistant counters, wire reinforced glass and plenty of drains. Decorations lean towards lolcats, and mock safety signs saying 'Do not look at laser with remaining eye'.

There's a calendar open to December 2010 and a clock that says it's about 10.

"Right it's still morning," says Robo, "Watch your step, it was easier to raise the door three inches than to cut down all the equipment by that much."

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Phil hasn't looked up from his last touch ups to the controls.

"Oh you're on."

With the shoes straightened out and the group roughly lined up near the starting line, everyone outside is waiting for Robo's signal to start.

Whenever you're ready Tyler.

Select-> Remote Egg Activation

Activating

->Egg1 Double Shoggoth
Egg2 Double Shoggoth
Egg3 Double Shoggoth

Executing....

There should be a word for what happens when two glowing masses of ever-shifting eyeballs and tentacles, each size of a volkswagen bug appear behind you. Because they're going to need new cusswords after this.

"GLRRLBLBLRRRAAAWWRRRBBLRRAWWRRR!"

The first attempt is a collective, "Eeee!" Faint cursing also makes an appearance.

Phil has, helpfully, cut the general lighting a few notches and added a strobe in the UV range.

"Run my pretties!"

Climbing wall next.

Yes! Yes! The Climbing wall! Shoggoths don't climb well do they?

...oh. They do. More motivation to climb faster!

And waiting above the climbing wall...the first tentacle lurks, waving back and forth lazily.

"...I cleared that from the history," comes plaintively from a poor fellow in a baseball cap on spotting the tentacle.

He's going to get plenty of space now from the rest of the class, alas.

More interesting is the guy with the clipboard trying to fight the tentacle off long enough to get the rest of the people past.

"How is he even still carrying a clipboard?" asks Robo, "Clarkson! Where were you carrying that?"

Plenty of space also means no one else gets wrapped up when one of the shoggoths catches up to Mr. Tentacle Fetish. Bet being devoured by an amorphus volkwagen of hate was never something that crossed his mind.

Now Clarkson Clipboard warrior has been doing fair battle so far...the tentacle withdraws back...and then lashes out grabbing him by the hands holding onto the clipboard. Then Clarkson disappears out of sight with the rest of the tentacle screaming.

Better move it people!

Clarkson's sacrifice has moved the remaining dozen onto a bridge of swinging tires. Surely the holes will just drop those terrible blobs through...

"And smoke now, I think," adds Phil.

Or slow everyone down in mist. That could happen too.

"...think I should start up the screaming mimis?" Tyler asks quietly as the blobs try to bridge the swinging tires...and fall below. Where their glowing shapes can be seen lurking below the mist watching those in the tires.

Wait. Save for that one that ate TentacleFetish. That ones staying on the bridge.

So why are there...three...blobs...oh shit.

Attempt the second: "They're breeding! Faster!"

"Why not," says Phil, "The floor's padded anyway."

Have to hurry. The spacing of holes is regular, so the trainees are compensating fairly well.

Up until now, the only noises in here have been the growls of the shoggoths, and the sounds of nervous panicking humans.

All that changes a second after Tyler activates Egg4: Screaming Mimi Duo.

Imagine if someone gave a head of cabbage, a mouth, nine ropey tentacles, and colored it black. The doppeler noise that starts as a low wail and moves into a full blown 'middle of the monkeycage' screech fills the area with noise.

And half-seen but definitely felt and heard things darting past people's legs and faces.

Phil takes a moment to add a low volume, but audible, rendition of the Jaws theme.

"Mommy!"

The group breaks and heads straight for the pipe maze and, in a panic, doesn't even try anything clever like climbing around the outside.

Whoops!

Whoops indeed. Tyler's got a tentcle waiting on the inside there. First one to get picked off there is corn-row girl, who screams very well as she's yanked upwards to the top of the pipe-maze. And second to get picked off in the darkness is Mr. I-wear-capris, as he tries to escape harassment by the shoggoth that ate Tentacleman and a screaming mimi.

And man....you thought the shoggoth's method of movement was weird BEFORE eating someone...

Well. Let's just say Fetishman is probably going to want to sit out the next exercise if he gets seasick easily.

The lab is on an island, so there's been some filtering.

"Everyone be calm! How hard can it - umphrg!"

"And that's why you don't tempt Murphy, Hammond."

Or shoggoths. Ah well. The remainder, all seven, have managed to clear the maze in one group of three and one group of four.

The group of three has a series of stepping platforms over a ball pit.

The group four has a chainlink fence to climb. On the same level as the three shoggoths under the bridge.

One of those three shoggoths have fed recently. You can tell by the shape struggling inside of it as it moves along like Fetishman's shoggoth. Which has two victims inside of it now. Poor Hammond, he didn't deserve it, but he asked for it when he tempted Murphy's wrath. All four shoggoths are now after the group of four. For two of them, the chain links don't matter. They can pass right through them. The other two start climbing.

The group of three at the stepping platforms have probably noticed the tentacle attempting to lash out and grab them. HIT THE DECK! The end is in sight!

The group of three eye the tentacles and the platforms warily. Those things have REACH. The plan appears to be to have two of them take the hits and try and get one of them to safety. Before a gray and lurching Clarkson stumbles up behind them anyway. There's a bit of a scuffle and they'll have to hope that one sacrifice will do for the tentacled god.

The quartet is not quite so well organized and just goes for a mad scramble.

"Well, they're moving faster today, that's for sure," says Phil, "A little more mist in the ball pit. For atmosphere."

"Sounds good," Tyler replies, sitting back in the recliner as his tentacle nabs up the sacrifice of the spare wheel.

The group of four...maybe if they would have had some strategy, they wouldn't have become shoggoth kibble. One's nabbed by the single-victim shoggoth near the top.

"AAAAIIIGH!"

Another is caught and tied to Fetishman's shoggoth through the chain link fence. Sheeeee doesn't look to happy about this.

And the last two? Well. There's two volkswagen bugs of monstrous appetite and formless eyes waiting at the bottom of the fence for them.

"...I'm so hiding behind you when she gets loose." Tyler informs Phil.

"That's fine," says Phil, "I'm hiding behind Robo."

What? Whoever can take gunfire gets to be the one who takes the hits.

Robo's slipped in the back in time to hear Phil's comment.

"And I'm hiding behind Jenkins. Are we about ready to start unwrapping them?"

"As soon as the last two that are trapped make up their minds."

"Nevermind, the two shoggoths on the floor got impatient." Tyler answers without looking away from the screen to Robo.

"GROWMPF!"

"Delightful. Tyler, feel free to call everything off. Phil, bring the lights up."

Robo takes a moment to rub his hands together with a touch of glee.

"What do you have planned for the finale boss?"

"On it." Tyler grins, punching away at the Gameboy that Mad Science had it's way with. All around the course the shoggoths retreat back to their starting places in thick, VERY quickly moving rivelets of ooze, tentacles stop moving and the black screaming mimi's dissolve back into the pipework.

At Phil's question there is a very puppy-eyed look towards Robo, with a grin that really should belong on Jenkin's face.

Can he play boss, can he play?

This is why Robo makes a much better uncle than a father.

"Let me get them lined up first," is what he says, "There's no point if they can't see."

That said, Robo heads back out to get everyone cleaned up, or at least wiped off, and in a position watch a proper demo.

And in the meantime, just to be fair, Tyler's going to show Phil how to activate the putty constructs, while activating a beacon for his own shoes.

No point in beating their time if he's not facing the same obstacles.

And once that's taken care of, Tyler climbs out of the blind in the tire-pile and trots his way out in front of the group, grinning.

Robo is standing on a smallish box to get above the crowd. Tentacles are moving jerkily in the background, but improve rapidly.Phil has excellent video gaming reflexes.

"Everyone, this is Tyler. He's possibly Jenkin's illegitimate child from a different timeline and he is going to show you how it's possible to run the course. You three," here Robo gestures to the stepping stone trio, "The reward for a job well done being another job: You're all zombies after Tyler."

"Nice! Hey Clarkson, where's the zombie makeup?" One of the stepping stone trio grins.

Tyler is just vibrating and waiting to get going before tugging on Robo's pantleg to whisper to him. "Have the ones not playing turn their boots in. Don't want them to catch onto how the shoggoths followed them too easily."

"Point. And turn your boots back in if you aren't on the course. You don't get to keep those yet."

There's some grumbling while the bin the boots came from is refilled and hauled off.

"You ready Phil? On three."

Hope Tyler's on the starting line.

"Three!"

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